I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
