Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
