Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
