So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
