Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
