how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
