dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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