am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
