there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
