textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
