Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
