just come out here and I will go home with you...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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