Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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