Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
