How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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