It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
