I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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