whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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