i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
