I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
