I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
