I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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