all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
