Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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