So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
