So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just invented taco cereal.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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