There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My life is pants optional.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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