you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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