I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
