She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize