Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize