why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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