you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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