Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
