really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
