Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
