Ketchup is God's man juice
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
