He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
