I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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