dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
