I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
