Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
