Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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