I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
