trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
