Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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