Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
