He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
