Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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