i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
