Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
