we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
