easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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