She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
