oh god the rape fog is back!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
