I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
