Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
