Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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