she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
