Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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