is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
