btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just tell him i said nine months
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
