I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
