you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
