Well apparently he's into motor boating.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
