Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
