I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
