A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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